Who knew going back would be so hard

So tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is the day that I have to face the music and tote my sorry ass into the office that a week ago I didn't think I'd ever be able to face again. Tomorrow I will have to deal with a whole lot of people coming up to me and saying "I'm so sorry - how are you feeling?" Now, some of them honestly and truly want to know the answer - as a matter of fact almost all of them do. However, we all know that no one wants to hear the truth, no one wants to know that I feel crappy, I'm still really crampy and that I feel like I'm an emotional time bomb just waiting for someone to enter that code that will set my countdown in motion.

There are a couple of pregnant women in my office right now - who I love and adore and am so happy for, but I know they're going to be funny with me and I know that I'm going to look at their beautiful bellies and feel the ugly green monster come to life. I've never wanted to get my period so bad in my whole entire life!

In the last week and a half, I've cleaned my house regularly (something that actually felt really good since I've been avoiding doing just about everything and anything domestic since getting pregnant.) I've done laundry, I've done groceries, I've hung out with my kid tons (which was really the absolute best medicine any doctor could have prescribed for me - well, other than morphine, that would have been really good too!) I even went to a couple of yoga classes - all things that made me feel better, but yet in my head I still feel like I always do on a Sunday night. Like there just hasn't been enough time and that I haven't accomplished anything that I should have. How easily it all comes back.

So, now that I've been all complainy and sad - aka Depressing Mama, let me tell you that physically I feel great. I'm feeling much stronger than I did a week ago and I can actually stand up now without feeling like I'm going to fall back down - I think that's really good! Emotionally - most of the time I'm good. It was a lot harder going through that than it was after Alex was born and I'm sure it will still rear it's ugly head for the next little while - and probably periodically throughout my lifetime. It was harder because I felt empty afterwards - I didn't have that sadness of not being pregnant anymore, but at least being able to look at my beautiful baby. I just felt empty.

So with that, I begin my two month challenge. I'm putting it up here so that it's out there and I have to stick to it! I've gotten really lazy over the last 2 months. I figure I have 2 months to turn that around and hopefully lose at least 5 of the 10 pds I gained over the summer and never lost. I'm going to try and post here more often as I know that I've got more stuff to work through. I hope you'll bare with me - I will however try to keep things as light and positive as possible.

So, bring on February - I'm ready to fight the good fight!!