What a day it was...

I remember my first Valentine's Day - I mean the first one that really "meant" something - the first one avec un beau. You know, the cheap chocolates that leave that really gross, oily residue in your mouth, the roses (probably purchased from the grocery store) that were expected to live forever but never survived for one minute longer than midnight on the "big" day. Oh, and who could forget the clumsy make-out session that followed the bestowing of the gifts. Ya, that was great (please note the absolute sarcasm here!!) In retrospect, it was a lot more action than what this house saw on Wednesday night!

You know, I know that we've just been through a lot of emotional stuff and me, quite a bit on the physical end too, but really, is it too much to ask for a little action on Valentine's Day?? We got off to a great start - the man picked me up at work with a cookie and non-fat hot chocolate in hand (I know, I know, what's the point of the non-fat when he had them smother it with whip cream and Belgian chocolate chunks?) We had wonderful - and very promising I might add - conversations on the way home. With the hopes of a great evening on the rise - maybe get the kid down early so we could share a bottle of wine, maybe have a bubble bath together...the possibilities were endless. Ho much of this actually happened you ask? None, notta, niente - not on this day, oh no!

The small one, would not, did not want to go to sleep. We tried bribing, oh yes we did. We read stories, we even let him take a bottle to bed (gasp, shock, horror - I know!) Finally, I curled up with him on his ittsy, bittsy, teensy, weensy car bed and the husband lay down on the nice comfortable chaise lounge in his room and we all finally fell asleep - in the kid's room. When I woke up at 12:30 am, all I could do was shake my head as I painfully brought my body to an upright position. The one day that a girl can usually count on getting laid was gone and I had done none of the laying that I had actually intended to do.

So backing up just a bit, I told the husband not to get me flowers on this Hallmark inspired holiday as I didn't want him to spend inflated dollars on flowers that I knew would not survive for more than 48 hours at best. He also knows that I'm not really into the chocolate thing - especially now that I'm fighting against 10 pds every day. I don't need a card written by someone else to tell me how much he loves me - I know that he does and he tells me every day. However, I'm not going to lie to you, I was (as if you can't tell!) very disappointed this year. I never thought I'd say that - I can't even tell you how many times I've used an excuse similar to the "Not tonight dear, I've got a headache" in the last two years. Usually, I'm just too freakin' tired to do anything except give him a quick peck on the cheek and say I love you. Usually. This year I was all pumped. I was looking for romance and special attention. I usually get it - not just on this day, but especially on this day - you know??

If you'll excuse me, I think I have to go stand in front of the Leaf's game naked so that I can have a second chance at Feb 14!!

Uh oh - a new distraction...

OK, so here I am, minding my own business going about my life thinking that things are OK. I'm starting to really get back into my blog and enjoying it again when all of a sudden, wham mo!! I got hit with Facebook!

Have you heard of this new, ridiculous distraction? If you haven't you should check it out www.facebook.com It's this crazy network of everyone and anyone (OK, mostly under the age of 30, but I know for a fact that there are at least 5 people out there who are 30+ and lovin' it!) An old friend from High School asked me to join and I, not knowing what I was in for naively joined. Well, let me tell you (and please don't tell my boss this,) but it's quite a distraction. It actually caused quite a commotion at my office today where we were all buzzing about this new phenomenon. It was like someone there had discovered the Internet all over again.

The scary part is, is I think I like it. It's like spying on everyone that you've ever come into contact with (if they're on of course) because you can see photos of them and find out whether or not they're married or single, happy or disgruntled it's CRAZY! You can also invite people to join if you chose by simply entering their email address.

On a positive note, it's given me something new and exciting to focus on which is helping me to feel way better this week. Yeah facebook! Check me out if you stop by - I've put a whole bunch of pictures up there already - of course only the ones where I look really good have made the cut!

Who knew going back would be so hard

So tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is the day that I have to face the music and tote my sorry ass into the office that a week ago I didn't think I'd ever be able to face again. Tomorrow I will have to deal with a whole lot of people coming up to me and saying "I'm so sorry - how are you feeling?" Now, some of them honestly and truly want to know the answer - as a matter of fact almost all of them do. However, we all know that no one wants to hear the truth, no one wants to know that I feel crappy, I'm still really crampy and that I feel like I'm an emotional time bomb just waiting for someone to enter that code that will set my countdown in motion.

There are a couple of pregnant women in my office right now - who I love and adore and am so happy for, but I know they're going to be funny with me and I know that I'm going to look at their beautiful bellies and feel the ugly green monster come to life. I've never wanted to get my period so bad in my whole entire life!

In the last week and a half, I've cleaned my house regularly (something that actually felt really good since I've been avoiding doing just about everything and anything domestic since getting pregnant.) I've done laundry, I've done groceries, I've hung out with my kid tons (which was really the absolute best medicine any doctor could have prescribed for me - well, other than morphine, that would have been really good too!) I even went to a couple of yoga classes - all things that made me feel better, but yet in my head I still feel like I always do on a Sunday night. Like there just hasn't been enough time and that I haven't accomplished anything that I should have. How easily it all comes back.

So, now that I've been all complainy and sad - aka Depressing Mama, let me tell you that physically I feel great. I'm feeling much stronger than I did a week ago and I can actually stand up now without feeling like I'm going to fall back down - I think that's really good! Emotionally - most of the time I'm good. It was a lot harder going through that than it was after Alex was born and I'm sure it will still rear it's ugly head for the next little while - and probably periodically throughout my lifetime. It was harder because I felt empty afterwards - I didn't have that sadness of not being pregnant anymore, but at least being able to look at my beautiful baby. I just felt empty.

So with that, I begin my two month challenge. I'm putting it up here so that it's out there and I have to stick to it! I've gotten really lazy over the last 2 months. I figure I have 2 months to turn that around and hopefully lose at least 5 of the 10 pds I gained over the summer and never lost. I'm going to try and post here more often as I know that I've got more stuff to work through. I hope you'll bare with me - I will however try to keep things as light and positive as possible.

So, bring on February - I'm ready to fight the good fight!!