So, the tears are slowing now and the pain is subsiding as well but I still have this nagging feeling. This overwhelming urge to make a change in my life and do something different. Yesterday morning when I dropped Alex off at Daycare, I actually talked to the Supervisor of the Center about working there - do you know how badly Daycare Assistants get paid? I really had no idea until yesterday. I don't think that I can quite justify making that leap, but I do really feel like I need change. I need more family time and less bullshit at work. I need more fulfillment and less Tylenol to control the stress headaches that have been taking over my head for the last 4 1/2 mths. I'm afraid to make a leap because I know part of this could just be those "post-partum" feelings that everyone goes through, but on the other hand I'm afraid that if I don't do it now, I may never make a change. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why can't these things be easy? We should all be born with a life map. A map that says if you go this way, here's where you'll end up. And if you chose to take this funny little winding road, this is where you'll eventually get to. The funny thing for me is that it's not just the money that's holding me back from running into the daycare and saying 'sign me up!' It's also, what will the other parents think when they come to drop off and pick up their kids and see me not in their picking up my own kid, but rather there working with their own? Does it really matter what they think, well no, but don't we all really care a little bit about how other people perceive us?
I'd love feedback on this one - or suggestions that you may have for me on other things that I could investigate!
1 comment:
I think you would be a wonderful teacher.
These thoughts haven't just started this week, right. Don't be too quick to blame the hormones!
It's been my experience that the toughest decisions I've made (breaking off an engagement, moving to Toronto, quitting my job) have turned out to be the best.
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