You know that little thread of hope that we all hold onto after we have kids that one day, maybe not in the near future, but one day we - the parents - will take back the position of head of the household? Well, I think today I finally resigned as person trying to be in charge and accepted my fate that I will never again be the one who calls the shots in the village household.As we sat in our local village restaurant trying to enjoy a nice dinner tonight, it dawned on me that ever since becoming a parent I don't really enjoy my food anymore. I don't take those small bites and savour the flavours as they mingle and blend on my tongue, it's more like an inhalation process really. I don't get to experiment with the finest of wines anymore either - there once was a story about a girl who used to get taken out for dinner to really fine restaurants where the bottles of wine to be enjoyed that evening would be picked based on which ones were the most expensive. That was a nice fariytale!
Now, we select our restaurants based on how clean the high chairs are and how many other families with small children are sitting in the dining room so that the sometimes glass crackling exclamations that often come out of bum-bums mouth these days might just blend in with the others around us.
CJ said to me tonight, "We've become the people that we used to hate." You know what, it's true. It's funny how before you even have kids you can be so critical and such an expert, a canner if you will about something that you know NOTHING about(the subject for another blog all on it's own and one of my biggest pet peeves!) But it's true, I've learned one important thing since becoming a mother (other than the fact that I am no longer in the driver's seat of this household) and that is that you truly cannot criticise others for the way they do something - whether it's what time they put their kids to bed, or how clean a person's house is until you live through a day with a 17 month old who has more energy than an ADD 6-year old that's just had 6 litres of blue Kool-aid and 5 packages of watermelon hubba bubba!
The word no - something else I said I would never use - has come out of my mouth more times in the 3 hours that I've been home with bum-bum tonight than it did my entire day at work today. And I said NO A LOT today!
So here's the ironic thing, I love the little man to death but what I'm coming to realize more and more is that being back at work, and being away from him all day makes me realize just how much I love him and miss him when I'm not with him and it makes me want to spend absolutely every moment I can watching him, laughing with him and his newest trick - singing with him! So, while I hope to be able to stay home after the next one, I know that I'll need to do something - anything really - to make sure that I do get out of the house maybe not every single day but mommy's gonna need some sain time!
The dictator is destroying my house - is it too early in my mommy career for nanny 9-1-1?
3 comments:
I love Cakes dearly, but I also love--most dearly--my time away from her.
i used to be the slowest eater on the planet. everybody knew not to wait for me, just leave me to my plate while you tidy up, go for a walk, watch the evening news... now? i shovel, fast, like a grave robber losing his cover of night. couldn't tell you what much of what i've eaten in the past 13 months tastes like, either.
There's a lot that I could say here... but that picture. That picture of that freakin' adorable child is a BIG distraction.
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