...I wanna get off! I'd like to call a T.O.. Just for a week or so, I'd like a self-directed time-out from all things drama and family. I wonder if it's as easy as saying 'sorry, don't talk to me right now, I'm on a self-imposed time-out. You can't bring me into the middle, you can't complain to me, you can't make your stuff my problem right now!' Maybe, just maybe that will work?
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago I had this notion that my family dealt with things differently. We dealt with things differently because when we were kids, we didn't have a lot, or really any interaction with our extended family outside of our very brief, yet obligatory yearly visits with our maternal Grandmother. They were terse, awkward visits that no one looked forward to and we all heaved huge sighs of relief when they were over. We all promised as we got older that we would do things differently. We would handle each other with love and respect and we would tell each other when we were upset rather than bottling things up and letting them colour our interactions with each other. Apparently, those were big words because now I want a TO from all things family!!
I love my family. I love my little family, and I love my BIG family too. I would do anything for any of them but recently haven't been feeling like the same is felt like the rest of the 'big' family. I think I'm gonna go Google, self-imposed time-outs and see what comes up!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Saturday, July 09, 2011
What's that smell?
Can you smell it? You must smell it, it can't just be me. Surely? I think it smells a little like...change. Yes, for certain that's exactly what that smells like! It's time.
For the last 3 years my life has been dedicated to my family. My boys have been my primary focus and I've been lucky to have had to opportunity to spend this time with them. But September is going to be here in the blink of an eye at which point my number 1 dude will be entering grade 1. Don't get me wrong, it's not that my number 2 dude doesn't need me, but he needs to be with others more. He needs to learn that there's a big world out there with more people than just me, number 1 dude and the daddy dude. So, that leads me to the question, when my dudes are all out doing stuff without me, what should I do??
So, back to my original question...can you smell that? What does it smell like to you?
For the last 3 years my life has been dedicated to my family. My boys have been my primary focus and I've been lucky to have had to opportunity to spend this time with them. But September is going to be here in the blink of an eye at which point my number 1 dude will be entering grade 1. Don't get me wrong, it's not that my number 2 dude doesn't need me, but he needs to be with others more. He needs to learn that there's a big world out there with more people than just me, number 1 dude and the daddy dude. So, that leads me to the question, when my dudes are all out doing stuff without me, what should I do??
So, back to my original question...can you smell that? What does it smell like to you?
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
I'm a bad, bad Blogger!
I know, I know, I've been neglectful. I know there are certain people who dutifully check my blog every day only to be disappointed by my lack of postings...K.S. you know I'm talking about you!!
The truth is two-fold, so here it is.
1) I haven't really had a whole lot to say. Well no, that's not entirely true. What I really mean is that I haven't had a whole lot that I wanted to put out there for the world to see. There's lots going on inside my head these days like, why am I not pregnant again yet? How come there are pregnant women all around me (that doesn't mean I'm not over the moon thrilled for those of you who are!) but I'm not? And how come if I'm not pregnant, I haven't lost those 10 lbs I swore would be gone by now?? I mean seriously, what are my excuses? All I do all day long is sit on my butt in front of a computer screen. As if I can't find 40 minutes in a day to do some cardio! I keep telling myself that this is going to be the week where I actually get going and go for a walk every day at lunch - but then I get to Friday and realize that it hasn't happened. Where did my resolve go??? I need to nominate someone to be my exercise drill Sargent. Anyone up for the job? Someone to yell at me every day and make me do something?? Anyone, anyone? Buller?
2) Facebook. Yes, that's right, I said it -- and I'll say it again! I LOVE FACEBOOK! Not like I love my husband or I love my son love - but in this really creepy, addictive and scary way I love it! I've found out information about people that I haven't talked to in years and it's very satisfying to know that I look pretty freakin' good compared to some of those people!! I know that's shallow and vain but, well, come on! Who doesn't want to show up at some reunion (be it their 10 yr High School or Uni / College) and walk out at the end of the night knowing that they aren't the one everyone is going to go home saying "holy shit, the years have not been good to..." Come on, you know it! You and I both know full well that if you had a reunion in a mth you'd be starving yourself like crazy trying to squeeze into the skinniest outfit you could. God, we're twisted!!
So, there you have it. My excuses are avoidance and avoidance. I'm starting to feel a little bit less awestruck by Facebook these days though. I don't have the same opportunities to post on there as I do here so don't worry, I'll be back. I will begin to post more regularly - and hopefully, if the fates work as I think they should - I will very soon be posting about being barfy and bloated and wondering again why I thought getting pregnant was such a good idea!
You can still visit me on Facebook if you'd like to see more pictures!!
The truth is two-fold, so here it is.
1) I haven't really had a whole lot to say. Well no, that's not entirely true. What I really mean is that I haven't had a whole lot that I wanted to put out there for the world to see. There's lots going on inside my head these days like, why am I not pregnant again yet? How come there are pregnant women all around me (that doesn't mean I'm not over the moon thrilled for those of you who are!) but I'm not? And how come if I'm not pregnant, I haven't lost those 10 lbs I swore would be gone by now?? I mean seriously, what are my excuses? All I do all day long is sit on my butt in front of a computer screen. As if I can't find 40 minutes in a day to do some cardio! I keep telling myself that this is going to be the week where I actually get going and go for a walk every day at lunch - but then I get to Friday and realize that it hasn't happened. Where did my resolve go??? I need to nominate someone to be my exercise drill Sargent. Anyone up for the job? Someone to yell at me every day and make me do something?? Anyone, anyone? Buller?
2) Facebook. Yes, that's right, I said it -- and I'll say it again! I LOVE FACEBOOK! Not like I love my husband or I love my son love - but in this really creepy, addictive and scary way I love it! I've found out information about people that I haven't talked to in years and it's very satisfying to know that I look pretty freakin' good compared to some of those people!! I know that's shallow and vain but, well, come on! Who doesn't want to show up at some reunion (be it their 10 yr High School or Uni / College) and walk out at the end of the night knowing that they aren't the one everyone is going to go home saying "holy shit, the years have not been good to..." Come on, you know it! You and I both know full well that if you had a reunion in a mth you'd be starving yourself like crazy trying to squeeze into the skinniest outfit you could. God, we're twisted!!
So, there you have it. My excuses are avoidance and avoidance. I'm starting to feel a little bit less awestruck by Facebook these days though. I don't have the same opportunities to post on there as I do here so don't worry, I'll be back. I will begin to post more regularly - and hopefully, if the fates work as I think they should - I will very soon be posting about being barfy and bloated and wondering again why I thought getting pregnant was such a good idea!
You can still visit me on Facebook if you'd like to see more pictures!!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Three is so much better than two...
I just had a crazy realization. Less than two months ago I felt like each day took an eternity to pass. I felt like it would take 10 years for Spring to arrive and for me to forget everything that happened. Don't get me wrong, I've forgotten nothing and I still have the odd emotional moment when I think about the fact that I would have had a nice protruding belly by now - but holy shit, I just realized that March is half over and next month, the long weekends start again!
I love long weekends. I hate the traffic that is involved with them but I love, love, LOVE that extra day to putz around my house. To go on a trip somewhere and not feel like we really only have 2 hours to spend there before we have to turn around and get ready for the week ahead. I want to make big plans this year for our long weekends - especially the May and July ones. Although I love them, we never really do anything special. Now that we have the little man, travelling in bumper to bumper traffic isn't really our idea of fun and getting out of Dodge while everyone else is doing it doesn't really make any sense to me.
So, I think we'll plan to celebrate our backyard on the 2 best long weekends of the year. I'm already starting to plan my gardens and think about the pretty blooms that will frame the corners of my backyard this summer. I will make the trek to the Peterborough Farmer's market this May and get my flats upon flats of flowers so that I can feel that satisfaction of making something look so esthetically pleasing that even I as a Libra will be able to relax and enjoy some solitude in my favourite Muskoka chair.
Seriously, is it April yet??
I love long weekends. I hate the traffic that is involved with them but I love, love, LOVE that extra day to putz around my house. To go on a trip somewhere and not feel like we really only have 2 hours to spend there before we have to turn around and get ready for the week ahead. I want to make big plans this year for our long weekends - especially the May and July ones. Although I love them, we never really do anything special. Now that we have the little man, travelling in bumper to bumper traffic isn't really our idea of fun and getting out of Dodge while everyone else is doing it doesn't really make any sense to me.
So, I think we'll plan to celebrate our backyard on the 2 best long weekends of the year. I'm already starting to plan my gardens and think about the pretty blooms that will frame the corners of my backyard this summer. I will make the trek to the Peterborough Farmer's market this May and get my flats upon flats of flowers so that I can feel that satisfaction of making something look so esthetically pleasing that even I as a Libra will be able to relax and enjoy some solitude in my favourite Muskoka chair.
Seriously, is it April yet??
Saturday, February 17, 2007
What a day it was...
I remember my first Valentine's Day - I mean the first one that really "meant" something - the first one avec un beau. You know, the cheap chocolates that leave that really gross, oily residue in your mouth, the roses (probably purchased from the grocery store) that were expected to live forever but never survived for one minute longer than midnight on the "big" day. Oh, and who could forget the clumsy make-out session that followed the bestowing of the gifts. Ya, that was great (please note the absolute sarcasm here!!) In retrospect, it was a lot more action than what this house saw on Wednesday night!
You know, I know that we've just been through a lot of emotional stuff and me, quite a bit on the physical end too, but really, is it too much to ask for a little action on Valentine's Day?? We got off to a great start - the man picked me up at work with a cookie and non-fat hot chocolate in hand (I know, I know, what's the point of the non-fat when he had them smother it with whip cream and Belgian chocolate chunks?) We had wonderful - and very promising I might add - conversations on the way home. With the hopes of a great evening on the rise - maybe get the kid down early so we could share a bottle of wine, maybe have a bubble bath together...the possibilities were endless. Ho much of this actually happened you ask? None, notta, niente - not on this day, oh no!
The small one, would not, did not want to go to sleep. We tried bribing, oh yes we did. We read stories, we even let him take a bottle to bed (gasp, shock, horror - I know!) Finally, I curled up with him on his ittsy, bittsy, teensy, weensy car bed and the husband lay down on the nice comfortable chaise lounge in his room and we all finally fell asleep - in the kid's room. When I woke up at 12:30 am, all I could do was shake my head as I painfully brought my body to an upright position. The one day that a girl can usually count on getting laid was gone and I had done none of the laying that I had actually intended to do.
So backing up just a bit, I told the husband not to get me flowers on this Hallmark inspired holiday as I didn't want him to spend inflated dollars on flowers that I knew would not survive for more than 48 hours at best. He also knows that I'm not really into the chocolate thing - especially now that I'm fighting against 10 pds every day. I don't need a card written by someone else to tell me how much he loves me - I know that he does and he tells me every day. However, I'm not going to lie to you, I was (as if you can't tell!) very disappointed this year. I never thought I'd say that - I can't even tell you how many times I've used an excuse similar to the "Not tonight dear, I've got a headache" in the last two years. Usually, I'm just too freakin' tired to do anything except give him a quick peck on the cheek and say I love you. Usually. This year I was all pumped. I was looking for romance and special attention. I usually get it - not just on this day, but especially on this day - you know??
If you'll excuse me, I think I have to go stand in front of the Leaf's game naked so that I can have a second chance at Feb 14!!
You know, I know that we've just been through a lot of emotional stuff and me, quite a bit on the physical end too, but really, is it too much to ask for a little action on Valentine's Day?? We got off to a great start - the man picked me up at work with a cookie and non-fat hot chocolate in hand (I know, I know, what's the point of the non-fat when he had them smother it with whip cream and Belgian chocolate chunks?) We had wonderful - and very promising I might add - conversations on the way home. With the hopes of a great evening on the rise - maybe get the kid down early so we could share a bottle of wine, maybe have a bubble bath together...the possibilities were endless. Ho much of this actually happened you ask? None, notta, niente - not on this day, oh no!
The small one, would not, did not want to go to sleep. We tried bribing, oh yes we did. We read stories, we even let him take a bottle to bed (gasp, shock, horror - I know!) Finally, I curled up with him on his ittsy, bittsy, teensy, weensy car bed and the husband lay down on the nice comfortable chaise lounge in his room and we all finally fell asleep - in the kid's room. When I woke up at 12:30 am, all I could do was shake my head as I painfully brought my body to an upright position. The one day that a girl can usually count on getting laid was gone and I had done none of the laying that I had actually intended to do.
So backing up just a bit, I told the husband not to get me flowers on this Hallmark inspired holiday as I didn't want him to spend inflated dollars on flowers that I knew would not survive for more than 48 hours at best. He also knows that I'm not really into the chocolate thing - especially now that I'm fighting against 10 pds every day. I don't need a card written by someone else to tell me how much he loves me - I know that he does and he tells me every day. However, I'm not going to lie to you, I was (as if you can't tell!) very disappointed this year. I never thought I'd say that - I can't even tell you how many times I've used an excuse similar to the "Not tonight dear, I've got a headache" in the last two years. Usually, I'm just too freakin' tired to do anything except give him a quick peck on the cheek and say I love you. Usually. This year I was all pumped. I was looking for romance and special attention. I usually get it - not just on this day, but especially on this day - you know??
If you'll excuse me, I think I have to go stand in front of the Leaf's game naked so that I can have a second chance at Feb 14!!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Uh oh - a new distraction...
OK, so here I am, minding my own business going about my life thinking that things are OK. I'm starting to really get back into my blog and enjoying it again when all of a sudden, wham mo!! I got hit with Facebook!
Have you heard of this new, ridiculous distraction? If you haven't you should check it out www.facebook.com It's this crazy network of everyone and anyone (OK, mostly under the age of 30, but I know for a fact that there are at least 5 people out there who are 30+ and lovin' it!) An old friend from High School asked me to join and I, not knowing what I was in for naively joined. Well, let me tell you (and please don't tell my boss this,) but it's quite a distraction. It actually caused quite a commotion at my office today where we were all buzzing about this new phenomenon. It was like someone there had discovered the Internet all over again.
The scary part is, is I think I like it. It's like spying on everyone that you've ever come into contact with (if they're on of course) because you can see photos of them and find out whether or not they're married or single, happy or disgruntled it's CRAZY! You can also invite people to join if you chose by simply entering their email address.
On a positive note, it's given me something new and exciting to focus on which is helping me to feel way better this week. Yeah facebook! Check me out if you stop by - I've put a whole bunch of pictures up there already - of course only the ones where I look really good have made the cut!
Have you heard of this new, ridiculous distraction? If you haven't you should check it out www.facebook.com It's this crazy network of everyone and anyone (OK, mostly under the age of 30, but I know for a fact that there are at least 5 people out there who are 30+ and lovin' it!) An old friend from High School asked me to join and I, not knowing what I was in for naively joined. Well, let me tell you (and please don't tell my boss this,) but it's quite a distraction. It actually caused quite a commotion at my office today where we were all buzzing about this new phenomenon. It was like someone there had discovered the Internet all over again.
The scary part is, is I think I like it. It's like spying on everyone that you've ever come into contact with (if they're on of course) because you can see photos of them and find out whether or not they're married or single, happy or disgruntled it's CRAZY! You can also invite people to join if you chose by simply entering their email address.
On a positive note, it's given me something new and exciting to focus on which is helping me to feel way better this week. Yeah facebook! Check me out if you stop by - I've put a whole bunch of pictures up there already - of course only the ones where I look really good have made the cut!
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Who knew going back would be so hard
So tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is the day that I have to face the music and tote my sorry ass into the office that a week ago I didn't think I'd ever be able to face again. Tomorrow I will have to deal with a whole lot of people coming up to me and saying "I'm so sorry - how are you feeling?" Now, some of them honestly and truly want to know the answer - as a matter of fact almost all of them do. However, we all know that no one wants to hear the truth, no one wants to know that I feel crappy, I'm still really crampy and that I feel like I'm an emotional time bomb just waiting for someone to enter that code that will set my countdown in motion.
There are a couple of pregnant women in my office right now - who I love and adore and am so happy for, but I know they're going to be funny with me and I know that I'm going to look at their beautiful bellies and feel the ugly green monster come to life. I've never wanted to get my period so bad in my whole entire life!
In the last week and a half, I've cleaned my house regularly (something that actually felt really good since I've been avoiding doing just about everything and anything domestic since getting pregnant.) I've done laundry, I've done groceries, I've hung out with my kid tons (which was really the absolute best medicine any doctor could have prescribed for me - well, other than morphine, that would have been really good too!) I even went to a couple of yoga classes - all things that made me feel better, but yet in my head I still feel like I always do on a Sunday night. Like there just hasn't been enough time and that I haven't accomplished anything that I should have. How easily it all comes back.
So, now that I've been all complainy and sad - aka Depressing Mama, let me tell you that physically I feel great. I'm feeling much stronger than I did a week ago and I can actually stand up now without feeling like I'm going to fall back down - I think that's really good! Emotionally - most of the time I'm good. It was a lot harder going through that than it was after Alex was born and I'm sure it will still rear it's ugly head for the next little while - and probably periodically throughout my lifetime. It was harder because I felt empty afterwards - I didn't have that sadness of not being pregnant anymore, but at least being able to look at my beautiful baby. I just felt empty.
So with that, I begin my two month challenge. I'm putting it up here so that it's out there and I have to stick to it! I've gotten really lazy over the last 2 months. I figure I have 2 months to turn that around and hopefully lose at least 5 of the 10 pds I gained over the summer and never lost. I'm going to try and post here more often as I know that I've got more stuff to work through. I hope you'll bare with me - I will however try to keep things as light and positive as possible.
So, bring on February - I'm ready to fight the good fight!!
There are a couple of pregnant women in my office right now - who I love and adore and am so happy for, but I know they're going to be funny with me and I know that I'm going to look at their beautiful bellies and feel the ugly green monster come to life. I've never wanted to get my period so bad in my whole entire life!
In the last week and a half, I've cleaned my house regularly (something that actually felt really good since I've been avoiding doing just about everything and anything domestic since getting pregnant.) I've done laundry, I've done groceries, I've hung out with my kid tons (which was really the absolute best medicine any doctor could have prescribed for me - well, other than morphine, that would have been really good too!) I even went to a couple of yoga classes - all things that made me feel better, but yet in my head I still feel like I always do on a Sunday night. Like there just hasn't been enough time and that I haven't accomplished anything that I should have. How easily it all comes back.
So, now that I've been all complainy and sad - aka Depressing Mama, let me tell you that physically I feel great. I'm feeling much stronger than I did a week ago and I can actually stand up now without feeling like I'm going to fall back down - I think that's really good! Emotionally - most of the time I'm good. It was a lot harder going through that than it was after Alex was born and I'm sure it will still rear it's ugly head for the next little while - and probably periodically throughout my lifetime. It was harder because I felt empty afterwards - I didn't have that sadness of not being pregnant anymore, but at least being able to look at my beautiful baby. I just felt empty.
So with that, I begin my two month challenge. I'm putting it up here so that it's out there and I have to stick to it! I've gotten really lazy over the last 2 months. I figure I have 2 months to turn that around and hopefully lose at least 5 of the 10 pds I gained over the summer and never lost. I'm going to try and post here more often as I know that I've got more stuff to work through. I hope you'll bare with me - I will however try to keep things as light and positive as possible.
So, bring on February - I'm ready to fight the good fight!!
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